


Down Memory Lane (Without a Thing on my Mind)

by MightyGlowCloud



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Commiting Angst Crimes, Everyone Needs A Hug, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-02-16 01:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18681517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MightyGlowCloud/pseuds/MightyGlowCloud
Summary: Episode 85 was too pure.Angst is a-coming, and I'm gonna bring some.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All aboard the angst-express!!! I'll be your conductor today, and before we embark I'd like to remind everyone that there will be no stops until May 15th. Per any delays we may experience, please direct your comments to myself or to the good people at King Falls AM.
> 
> A warning to all passengers - this journey may contain triggering content along the following lines:  
> \- Mentions of suicidal thoughts  
> \- Panic attacks/PTSD  
> \- Hospitals
> 
> We hope you enjoy your time travelling with us!

They had planned for  _months_.

They were going to make this fucking mean something. They were going to face the Shadows. Try to get Jack back. 

* * *

 

Sammy had gone to retrieve his belongings from the storage unit in LA. He brought Troy with him, unable to face the thought of Lily pitying him or Ben looking at him with those damn puppy-eyes, but also unable to face it alone.

There wasn't much of his life to move to King Falls. Most of his things had to stay there, being large pieces of furniture that just... weren't his. They belonged to Jack, and without him, Sammy found there wasn't much point to even consider bringing them back. He had clothes now at least.

The one thing that seemed to burn a brand into his hands on the trip back was  _the notebook_. Jack's notebook.

Sammy hadn't opened it yet; refused to open it until he was-

No. Not yet.

His phone kept vibrating in the cup holder in front of him. He couldn't bring himself to look away from the notebook. He knew it was Ben and Lily, chastising him through missed calls and texts. Sammy wasn't an idiot. He hadn't told them to their faces what he was doing, simply leaving a note on the kitchen table to make sure that they didn't think he'd gone and done... something stupid.

"You all right there, Sammy?" Troy's eyes glanced over at him before flicking back to the road. The one time he had hung out the window of his car aside, Troy was a very cautious driver, something which Sammy couldn't help but appreciate now. He certainly couldn't have made the trip himself, and almost certainly wouldn't have been able to drive.

"I'm doing alright, Troy, all things considered. It's... it's just hard, y'know?"

"Yeah, I get that." There was a lot that Troy left unspoken, to which Sammy was grateful. "Did I ever tell you 'bout the time one of the Williams boys got shot out of a cannon? Well-" Sammy listened as Troy went on, telling story after story, filling the silence so he could just think. His thoughts, as always, turned to Jack.

They were going to get him back.

They were going to try.

 

Lily and Ben were furious when he returned.

Emily, voice of reason that she was, had managed to hold them off until he sat down at the table before she also joined the fray. Three voices spoke at once.

"How could you worry us like that Sammy?-"

"I can't believe you, man! I would've-"

"Seriously Stevens, of all the childish-"

"Guys." Sammy cut through the cacophony using, as Ben would describe it, his  _Dad-voice_. He gently threw the notebook he'd held for hours onto the table. Its mottled green cover had remained clean, even as the spine seemed cracked and well-used. The words 'King Falls' were written across the front, titling the contents in Jack's frenzied scrawl. This had been the last, most coherent one. Jack had copied the most important information from his previous books, having tried to condense his findings into something concise and made sense in an attempt to get Sammy to  **understand**. "This is what I was doing, alright? I'm sorry, but I wanted to do it by myself, and I couldn't-"

"Sammy," Lily's eyes were wide as she took in the handwriting. Her hand stretched out, almost touching the cover.

"Jack-in-the-box Jesus, just open it! Dissect it for all I care! If it helps find him, then  _great_. If not, then let's never bring this up again, okay? I just-" Emily's hand on his shoulder cut him off. She pulled him in for a hug.

"I'm proud of you Sammy." The words were whispered so quietly he might have missed them if not for the overwhelming silence in the room. Sammy blinked furiously against the tears rising behind his eyes.

"We're gonna do this, Stevens. We're bringing Jack home." Lily's voice shook slightly, though her hand did not. She opened the notebook.

* * *

 

If there was one thing the Shadow Master wasn't expecting, couldn't be expecting, it was a Ben Arnold Plan. Especially not one as ride-or-die as this.

Admittedly, one of the hardest parts to arrange was  **getting** the Transmorgrifier from Beauregard's mansion. No one really wanted to consider the backlash that was assuredly coming their way, instead continually pushing that thought aside for another day.

_Maybe we won't even have to if things go-_

No. Sammy wasn't going to think like that. He had to try.

Initially, Sammy had wanted to go into Perdition Woods alone, or at the very least, with as few people as possible.

"Sammy," Ben, all 5'4" that he was, stared him down when he'd first suggested the idea, "you are not doing this alone. I'm helping. Emily, Lily, Troy, Ron, Mary, Tim; we're  _all_ helping. We do this together, or not at all."

So here they were. Almost everybody in this world that he considered family. Emily, Ron, Mary, and Tim had stayed at the entrance to the woods, leaving one of the two cars running and ready to go at a moment's notice. Troy and Lily behind him, one holding a gun ready, the other carrying one of two lanterns. Ben stood by his side, even as he struggled under the weight of the machine.

It took twenty minutes for them to reach it. The air got colder, clung tighter around them, congealing into a dense fog. The voices Sammy had heard on his last trip were muffled and incoherent. No one called him this time. As they reached the step, the light from the lanterns seemed to flicker slightly. The fog around them grew thicker and darker.

Ben's hands were shaking as he set the electronic device down, aiming it as best he could in his hurry. Sammy's eyes scanned every direction, watching as the shadows grew and grew around them. Laughter, big booming peals, bellowed and echoed from every direction.

 

_**Soon you will join us.**_

_**There is no escape now.**_

_**You will all** _

_**DIE** _

 

Tendrils of shadowy fog reached them, their edges oozing and snaking across the backdrop of the forest and even as they recoiled at the edges of the light, bubbling, writhing, they began slashing at where ever they could reach, scratching lines across their skin. Troy fired off a few shots and redoubled his efforts at seeing the tendrils explode only to draw back inwards, reforming themselves.

Sammy's hands held tight to his lantern. The cold around him seeped into his bones, causing him to shiver. The ring around his neck felt like ice against his chest.

 

_**You shall not defeat** _

_**ME** _

_**I am the one.**_

_**I am the shadows.**_

_**You. Are.** _

_**NOTHING.**_

 

"NOW!" Ben shouted, slamming his hand down hard on the button that would activate the Transmorgrifier.

The ground shook violently around them. Sammy fell to his knees, unbalanced.

In a rush the tendrils around them pounced, burying them in darkness. Stinging lines whipped across every inch of his body. It was cold, so cold.

_I love you Jack_

Through the gaps of the shadows, small and perhaps the last glimpse of the world he'd ever see, a light cut through the fog. It hit the doorway, beams bouncing off in every direction, burning holes into the tendrils causing them to dissolve. As the light touched his skin, Sammy felt warmth building. He felt like he was on fire. He couldn't see anything - everything was blinding light, the world falling away until it was just him, the light and the heat.

The world crashed down around him, an eternity later.

The woods, which had been full of incoherent screams before, fell silent. He rolled to his side and looked towards the Devil's Doorstep. Through the spots in his vision, he could see  **people**. There had to be twelve or more, lying motionless in the leaves and mud.

Sammy pushed himself up, staggering over to the crowd as soon as he could. He recognized some faces from missing persons' reports.

Amanda Tippert. Mike Hubbs. Riordan Blackrock.

Debbie Peterson.

He could hear Ben, and Troy calling back to the truck. He could hear Lily moving in much the same way he was, searching, scanning each face.

Finally, Sammy saw him.

**Jack.**

"Lily! He's here!" Sammy collapsed to his knees beside his fiance. He was crying.

Jack's hair and beard were long, longer than he'd ever seen them before, ragged and unkempt. His skin was freezing. Sammy tore his own jacket off him, even a deep shiver wracked him, covering Jack as best he could. Lily moved to do the same. 

"We did it. He's back."

Sammy felt a genuine smile across his face as he caught Lily's eye.

"Yeah. He is."

* * *

 

Jack couldn't open his eyes.

He hoped he was somewhere else - that this wasn't the void. This was certainly a new experience if it was.

He could hear voices, unlike the ones he'd come to expect. There was a steady electronic beeping.

"How is he, Doc?"

Hospital, then.

"He's stable."

"He gonna wake up?"

"We can only take it day by day."

There were footsteps, and then someone muttered something.

"You'd better wake up soon. Ya ass."

 _I'm trying._ He thought to the person sat beside him. 

Jack felt a hand against his.

_I'm trying._

 

"-have to be here when he wakes up! I'm not leaving him again."

"Come on, man. You smell like a garbage bear \- it's terrible. Go home. Get cleaned up,  **rest**. The doctors say he's gonna be in the coma for a little while longer, but he's gonna be okay."

There was movement, fabric shifting, a chair squeaking against the floor.

"I promise, I'll call if anything happens."

"You'd better."

"Alright, you gotta **go**." There was a quiet laugh and then-

Somebody kissed his forehead.

"I love you. Don't wake up till I get back."

Jack's heart clenched.

_I love you too._

 

When he finally managed to open his eyes, the room seemed too bright. He shut his eyes again and tried to make a noise of pain. His throat hurt, and any sound that managed to escape didn't sound at all like he thought it should. Too loud, and too quiet all at once.

"Jack, thank god!" Somebody embraced him gently. "If you weren't in a hospital bed right now, I swear- Don't  _scare_ me like that again, please."

"I'll go get somebody."

Jack tried again to open his eyes. It was slightly better.

There was a woman sitting in the chair next to him, bags under her eyes, hair messy. She looked familiar. A doctor came into the room, followed by a man who came to sit by his side.

"Mr. Wright? Glad to see you've joined us! I'm just here to check how you're responding, but please don't try to talk just yet."

He was given some water. The doctor checked his pulse.

A light flashed in his eyes.

It felt wrong. He felt like he was falling, even as a pain ripped through his chest. The monitor's beeps sped up.

"Stop. Please." He begged, shutting his eyes against the light and the pain.

"Jack, what's wrong?"

"Bright- 's too bright. Please-please don't-" He tried to focus on his breathing. That was supposed to help, right?

He couldn't hear what was being said around him, his heartbeat thrumming too loudly in his ears.

"Where am I?" His eyes flashed open again. The light of the room was better than the darkness behind his eyelids. If he was real, if this was real, he had to know.

"You're at Big Pines Hospital. You were brought here from King Falls."

King Falls. It sounded familiar, but he couldn't place it- couldn't think past the panic surging through him.

"I don't- I don't understand."

The man beside him spoke, his voice soothing and familiar.

"You were lost for a-a while. We found you, got you back. You're back."

No. No, this wasn't real. Nobody left the void.

"I know you're confused right now. Please give it time."

"No- this- it's not real. This isn't  _real_."

_It's just another trick. Don't believe-_

"Jack," the man beside him sounded heartbroken. He moved to grip Jack's hand. Jack pulled away violently, head shaking, hands too. He looked between these faces, the ones he knew and the ones he didn't.

"You aren't real! You can't be-" They were staring at him, eyes wide in concern. His skin prickled, hair rising to stand on end. They were watching. Always watching, never alone- never home- These people were not his. It's just another trick.

_Not real. Not real. NOT REAL._

The doctor moved to his IV. Jack felt tired. He was so goddamn tired.

 

The next time he woke, he woke screaming.

He was falling, through darkness and nothingness. Shadows were grabbing at him, pulling him, cutting into his skin.

Somebody had hold of his arms, pinning them beside him.

"Get off me. Let me go! GET ME OUT! Please stop-"

"Jack, it's me. It was just a dream. Just a dream. It's okay. You're here, this is real." That last part brought him to tears.

He cried.

"It's okay Jack. It's gonna be okay."

It was the woman from before. She'd let go of him, instead hugging him tightly and petting his hair soothingly. Something about the situation helped click a piece into place.

"Lily."

"Yeah, it's me. You're okay."

He wasn't. She hugged him tighter as if she knew.

"Is everything alright? I heard screa-" A tall man stopped in the doorway, looking at him. He, too, seemed familiar. "Jack."

"I-" Lily pulled away from him, but he grabbed her hand tightly, "I don't know you." He looked to Lily, but she didn't seem scared of the stranger so-

"Jack, it's me. Sammy. Your Sammy." He took one step closer, but Jack shuffled up the bed slightly, and he stopped. He started crying, his breath catching, distorting his voice. "You don't- you don't know  _me_ , do you?"

"No- I- I'm sorry."

The man, Sammy, stumbled out the door.

"Jack, what-"

"God, I just- Can-can you go after him? Make sure he's okay?" 

"You- I- I can stay." He shook him head, eyes still towards the door. "You sure?"

"Please. I just- I need a minute."

As Lily left the room, Jack felt tears start falling.

Why did this hurt so much?

 

As it turns out, amnesia was quite common after spending so much time... wherever he had been. Not to mention the coma.

It had been a few days since he had started remembering things. It was mostly just from his time in the void.

Lily had clearly been wanting to ask him the question that he found himself asking when he was alone. And then there was Sammy.

He hadn't been around as much as Lily, at Jack's request. Something about him made his head spin and hurt, and it was just- too much.

He was here today, with Lily. She'd started insisting that he come along, that 'he means a lot to you - you just need time to remember'.

She had asked him the question he'd been waiting to hear. Lily didn't seem much like a patient person.

"What do you remember?"

"I-I don't know how long I was there, but I know that there were times," Jack inhaled shakily, "there were times when I thought I was home. Everything  _looked_ right, but something... something was off. I couldn't touch anything, and if I saw anybody, they couldn't hear me. I could hear them. The things they said..." He looked off, staring at the wall as he recalled things that weren't there. Lily held his hand tighter, trying to ground him. "Whoever it was saying those things, they didn't want anyone to leave. I saw- I saw so many people embrace their loved ones and just  _ **fade**_." He shook his head, trying to cast out the memories before continuing, "Sometimes I was somewhere I didn't recognize. Those places weren't mine. They were places that belonged to the lost, and you didn't trust anything the lost showed you..."

"Most of the time, though, you weren't anywhere. There wasn't light or-or sound. It was empty. You felt like you were falling but there was nowhere to go. That's where I was when... well, I guess when you pulled me back. It felt normal, just dark and empty and  **nothing** but then there was this incredibly bright light. It was so, so bright. I shut my eyes but it didn't matter. It was just as bright, and it hurt but- that was nothing compared to what happened next. I-I felt a pain, worse than I have ever felt, in my chest. I felt like I was being torn apart, atom by atom, and it was burning and if I close my eyes, I can still see how bright it was."

Jack was crying, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Then I was  _here_. With you and him." Jack locked eyes with Sammy for the first time since he'd started talking. The man sat in a chair at the other end of the room, as far against the wall as he could. "I'm sorry, but I still don't know who you are. I know Lily says I should, and I look at you and I know that I should. There's  _ **something there**_ but-" He looked away, back to Lily- "I don't know him."

Sammy didn't cry. His face seemed like stone. The only change he'd seen was perhaps a small slump to his shoulders.

Jack cried.

Lily held him close, letting him cry. He kept his eye on Sammy, though.

_Don't give up on me yet._

_I'm trying._

 

Jack woke up alone. He bolted upright in bed, his eyes casting around to check his surroundings. He was in a hospital. He was back.

He'd been talking to Lily and Sammy, talking about the void... He'd been so tired- so tired after recalling how he'd gotten back. He'd fallen asleep.

His eyes fell to the bedside table, his subconscious telling him something was there that hadn't been before.

A ring. Golden, slightly scratched and threaded on a chain.

His hands shook as he reached out to take it. Why? He'd never seen it before, and yet... tears were welling in his eyes. It felt like a hole had been punched through his chest as he touched the cool metal.

Without understanding exactly why, he curled on his side sobbing so harshly he couldn't breathe. This wasn't right. He pulled his arms around him, holding tight as he shook. He felt like he was falling, different than before. Before, the ground seemed to empty and swallow him whole, but this-this felt like the sky was ripped away.

He barely registered noise at the doorway, a hand brushing over his face, brushing the hair out of his eyes. Somebody was asking him what was wrong, what hurt?

He didn't know.

**He didn't know.**

* * *

 

The phone reached voicemail _**again**_.

"Stevens, I swear to God if you don't pick up the phone right now, I will- ugh! Pick up the damn phone!!"

She tried a different number. It picked up on the second ring.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

"Fucking Stevens is what's wrong. I left for 5 goddamn minutes to get coffee and when I come back, Jack is here alone, crying, holding  _Sammy's ring_. So I don't know, small-fry! Where is he?!?"

"He's not with me." There was a quiet moment between them. "Lily, you don't think he'd-"

"Oh, I know damn sure he would!"

"Lily, don't," Ben warned. "I'm calling Troy. Let me know if you hear from Sammy?"

"Don't bother. I drove him here, he can't have gone far." She looked back through the glass separating her and Jack. He had turned away from the glass, staring out the window as he continued sobbing.

"Get him back, Lily."

"Yeah." The call ended.

 _Get him back_.

She pushed past the people milling around the hall, heading towards the stairwell - faster than waiting for the elevator and the eight people already waiting to get in, making her way towards the reception on the ground floor.

"Did you see which way my br- the man I came in with, did you see where he went?"

"No, ma'am. Sorry." The receptionist didn't look away from her screen.

The weather report had said that a big storm was brewing and judging by the angry, swollen clouds, it was coming soon.

Left or right? Towards town or-

"Dammit Sammy." She started running, turning right. As her feet hit the pavement, she couldn't help but be glad that she'd worn sneakers. Her eyes scanned, searching for the tall man. She saw him after running for about a minute.

"Sammy!" She grabbed his shoulder, pulling him to a stop. He glared at her. "What are you doing?!?"

"Leaving. What's it look like?"

"You can't just quit because it gets hard-"

"Yes, I can! He doesn't-"

"Shut up. You don't get to do this again. Don't try and shut me out of this. I've been here since he woke up! I'm hurting too, Sammy- he forgot me too!"

"I'm more a part of this than you are!" Sammy's eyes were wide, bright, but he looked dead inside. "I'm the reason he left in the first place, Lily. You've said it before and I can't see how you'd be wrong. He's happier without me-" 

"I left him inconsolable, clutching at a ring that he doesn't even remember, and you think he's happier?" She shook her head incredulously. "You can't quit now, Shotgun."

"Watch me." He spat the words like venom.

She did.

Lily watched as he stalked away, feet thudding to the ground with a tone of finality.

She turned and went back to the hospital.

* * *

The rain had started an hour ago, pelting down in a thick curtain.

Mary was just about to call Ben, ask if anyone had checked in yet, when she saw him.

"Sammy? Hon, where've you been? We've been worried sick-" He was soaked, looked chilled to the bone. Mary enveloped him in a hug, rubbing his arms to try and warm them.

"He doesn't know who I am." Sammy sobbed brokenly into her shoulder. "I can see that he's trying to, and god I want him to, but when he tries he's in so much pain and that-" She hugged tighter as he paused, "-that hurts more than this. I can't hurt him."

"And what do you think happens when you go? You think he's gonna be just fine when he remembers, and then sees that you  _left_? You gotta try. Stay here, and try. I know it hurts right now, and it'll probably hurt tomorrow too, but-" She pulled away to look him in the eye, "Sammy. You need to do this. For you, for Jack. Stay."

He looked so lost.

"Right. You're coming home with me. Then in the morning, after you've apologized to everyone else, you're gonna march that lil' butt right back to him." Mary's tone was decided, final. If he wasn't going to make the choice, then she'd make it for him.

She called Ben as soon as she'd gotten Sammy back to the truck.

"Yeah, I found him."


	2. Adrift in Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MORE ANGST!  
> Mary is best Mom-friend, Sammy is good with kids, and I'm crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because I'm a disorganized mess, I forgot to include a segment in the last chapter... which I made reference to...  
> Momma didn't raise no quitter, though, so we're using... FLASHBACKS - ohh yeah!  
>  ~~I am actually very sorry about this~~
> 
> Writer's block hits me hard at times, so you have my apologies that this chapter took so long and isn't much more than dialogue - the one downside to listening to audio dramas 24/7!
> 
> Here's the list of potential triggers for this chapter:  
> \- Abandonment issues  
> \- Depression-related eating habits  
> \- Non-descriptive references to torture  
> \- Panic attack/PTSD  
> \- Hospitals
> 
> Also, my boys are gonna struggle with some stuff this chapter - please don't kill me  
> I write angst and it's a tragedy.

_"Jack, I can't keep doing this with you. Please, I'm begging you, stay here with me- be here with me!"_

_"I can't. There's- there's so much you don't understand! I just need you to understand, Sammy. There's something in King Falls, I know it!"_

_"Our life is here. The one we made, **together**."_

_"I know, but Sammy-"_

_"If you wanna go there so much, then just- just leave! Be just like everyone else and just **go**." Jack looked at him, eyes unfocused from lack of sleep but they still held the bright spark of life that Sammy had fallen in love with. _

_"Sammy, no! You just don't understand. Here, let me show you-" Jack turned back to grab his notebook, flicking through pages quickly, almost tearing them out in his haste.  Sammy sighed and pressed his forehead against Jack's head. If Jack felt tears drop onto his head, he didn't mention it._

_"Please, just... come to bed soon."_

_"No, Sammy. Just wait, it's here somewhere!"_

_"I love you." Sammy turned and left the room._

_The next thing he knew, Sammy woke to his alarm and started getting ready for the radio show, only to know instinctively that **something** was very wrong. As soon as his eyes opened and took in the state of their room, he ran out of the room, feeling like he was floating and sinking all at once._

_Jack's suitcase by the door, the living room in disarray, the missing laptop and notebooks- almost everything about the space he called home was so foreign that his stomach turned._

_"Jack?" Everything felt like it was collapsing around him, imploding inwards and sending him spiraling. He checked every room of their small apartment, calling out frantically and just knowing he'd get no response. When he came back to himself just enough to hear the car running he raced as fast as he could, hope blooming in his chest that this was perhaps just a terrible misunderstanding even as he could taste the fear that it wasn't._

_The car door was wide open, and Sammy could see Jack's messenger bag that he carried his laptop in resting on the passenger-side seat._

_Jack was nowhere in sight._

_The mere thought of Jack being gone sent him to his knees. Tears that had been pressing at him now flowed freely as he felt his world go numb._

 

The sunlight streaming through the window woke him up, blinding him even through his closed eyelids. Part of him was grateful for the fact. No longer being stuck in memory seemed preferable until reality sunk in.

Jack was back.

Jack was back, and couldn't stand the sight of him.

The urge to leave, to run, hit him hard.

He got up as quietly as he could, taking the time to fold the blankets that Mary had given him the night before and walked over to the door, shoes in hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sammy startled at the doorway, his boots dropping to the ground with a solid thud.

"Mary! Jack-in-the-box Jesus, you scared the hell out of me-!"

"Watch it in the house, mister. There ain't no profanity censor here."

"Sorry."

"Now, I believe I asked you a question..."

"I don't want to be any trouble, Mary. I was just gonna-"

"No. You were going to sit down and have breakfast."

"I'm not-"

"You are. Grab some plates and help me set the table."

"Mary, I'm really not hungry, and I don't want to be any more of an inconvenience." She steered him towards the kitchen.

"Well if you don't eat, then you'll set a bad example for Bella and Lil' Tim, so I'm not giving you a choice." Mary handed him a stack of plates, piled cutlery on top and pushed him towards the dining table.

When they sat down to eat Sammy stared at the plate as Mary piled it high with waffles and berries. He looked to Tim for help, but he just shook his head as if to say 'just go with it', before he started helping serve food to the kids albeit a little awkwardly as he bumped into Mary occasionally. 

"Mom, I don't like strawberries!" Across from Sammy, Bella made a face and pushed her plate away.

"You liked them just fine on Monday."

"Hey Bella, you wanna hear something cool about strawberries?" Bella nodded enthusiastically. "Well, strawberries actually aren't berries - they're a member of the rose family." Mary and Tim looked shocked before they both shared a smile.

"Like the flower?"

"Exactly."

"That's so cool!" Sammy felt a small smile crack across his face.

The rest of the meal passed in pleasant small talk that Sammy barely heard. The food tasted like ash in his mouth but he did his best to continue, mostly pushing the food around his plate and watching the family before him interact. He'd felt so close to having that with Jack, having the family he'd always wanted. He had a family now, much different than he'd been expecting, but still-

"Sammy?" He looked up to Mary, who was clearing away dishes, and realized that they were the only ones left at the table. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I just- I was thinking."

"About Jack?" She sat down next to him when he nodded and pulled him in for a hug. "You know you can talk to me, right? I can see this is eating you up."

"Mary, it's just- it's fine. I'm okay."

"No, please. You have to talk to someone, and... you were there for me when my Tim was gone. And when he came back and wasn't- when he wasn't my Tim. Please let me be here for you."

"It's not the same thing."

"That's not true! When Tim came back the first time, he was different. He was so scared all the time. He didn't remember things right, and it's- it's like he wasn't home... And then when my Tim was back, it was hard. It's still hard. The man he is now isn't quite who I knew, and that's okay. We're working on it together. But if you walk out of this town without even trying-"

"I wasn't-"

"Don't you lie to me. You were leaving. Now, you don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want, but I'm here for you Sammy. I want to be here to help you try."

"Mary, you don't- you don't understand. He wanted me to leave. He told me, point blank, to get out."

"Darlin' I don't think he meant it, not really. You gotta believe that."

"You weren't there. You didn't see how-how goddamn  _scared_ he was, or the look in his eyes when he saw me go."

"When was this?"

"A week ago. When he first started remembering, he... He was scared of me, Mary. Terrified."

 

  

_"No, Sammy, please. Stop-"_

_Sammy's heart broke. Jack spoke his name for the first time since coming back, and it was pained, scared._

_"Jack. It's a dream, just a dream. I'm here. Please-" His hand brushed against Jack's, taking hold to try to provide comfort and to stop his own hand from shaking. As he did so, Jack screamed and writhed in pain._

_"Let go of me! Get off me! Sa-" His cries cut off with a gurgle, his face contorted in agony. Jack started to claw Sammy's hand off his, drawing blood as his nails left thick red lines. Sammy got out of his chair, pulling his hand to his chest instinctively as he pushed the alert for assistance. Two nurses ran into the room within seconds, one of the two shooting him a look._

_"What happened?"_

_"H-He was having a nightmare and- please, help him!" Jack was raking lines across his own arms, apparently trying to fight off unseen things holding him down. The nurses moved to hold down his arms, and his eyes flew open, the pupils blown wide and dark as he searched the room._

_"Mr. Wright? It's okay sweetie. You're at Big Pines Hospital." Jack continued scanning the room before his eyes locked onto Sammy's with a grimace. He tried scrambling as far away as he could manage._

_"G-Get him out of here."_

_"Jack? No, I-"_

_"GET OUT!"_

_"Sir, please. You need to go."_

_"Wait, no. Please, I'm his-"_

_"Come on, honey," The younger of the nurses took hold of his shoulders and pulled him out of the room, "Let me get you a coffee."_

_She led him to a small room at the end of the hallway and sat him down on the couch within it. It was clearly some kind of breakroom. Just a small kitchenette, a couch, a television hanging from the corner of the ceiling, and a window stretching across one wall. Sammy looked out of it numbly, barely registering as the nurse bandaged his hand, placed a hot cup of coffee in front of him and left._

_He took notice when she came back._

_"Mr. Stevens?" The look on her face forced the breath out from him, a sad and pitying half-smile plastered on her face. Her attempt at condolences, perhaps. "Mr. Wright's asked that you stop visiting. It's just for now, honey."_

_"Yeah. Sure." He walked to ~~Jack's~~ **his** car in a blur. The sight of it made him sick to his stomach. He dropped to the ground in front of the car, resting against the front of it. He pulled out his phone. "Lily, can you- can you come to the hospital? Jack-" His throat tightened uncomfortably around the name. "He won't let me see him."_

_"Sammy, what-?"_

_"I don't know... Can you just see if he's okay?"_

_"I'll be there soon." He let his phone drop to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chin._

 

His phone rang, pulling him out of the memory. He fumbled for a moment before managing to pull it from his pocket. Ben's details lit up the screen.

"Sammy?" Mary was watching him closely, a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, uh," He quickly answered the call, "Hey Ben."

"Sammy! You had us worried, man." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just-"

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fi-" Mary shot him a disapproving look, and he sighed. "Not really, no."

"I'm on my way."

* * *

 

It was dark when Jack woke up. The silence weighed down on him, oppressive and heavy. He hated it.

One of the nurses had shown him how to use the radio that sat on the side table, the one Lily had brought in, and he scrambled for it now. He flinched as it turned on, the static setting his teeth on edge. Quickly he tuned into the first channel he could find that wasn't playing music.

"-ing to the Sammy and Ben show. That's 660 on the radio dial! We have a great show for you tonight, right Sammy?

"Yeah, sure."

"Dude are you sure you wanna be here tonight? I can handle this if you need-"

"I need to work. I need to be **here**." Sammy cleared his throat. "So, what's on tonight?"

"Well, we've got Ron coming in about half an hour, and Emily will be calling in after that to talk about-"

"Emily, huh?"

"Hey, now don't you start!"

"I'm not starting anything."

"Sure you aren't. Since you clearly want to be moving on, how 'bout we take some listener calls?"

"Sounds like a plan. Give us a call on, uh- On 424-279-3858, or you can... You can tweet us if you're into that kind of thing @KingFallsAM!"

"Or @KingFallsSammy, respectively! Don't-Don't do that to me, Sammy."

"Sorry. Honestly, Ben it just slipped my mind. I didn't... mean it like that. I'm sorry. 'M not sleeping well."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"You know I've been here before, right? I know- well, no I don't know exactly how this feels, but I can be here for you. If you want."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Sammy, I know you. Don't blame yourself. Don’t. You saved Jack, and everyone else from the void!"

"No, that was you. And Lily. I-I did _nothing_. I spent 4 years in this town doing nothing! You worked on it for a few months, and now-"

"You did all you could. You were there for me when I needed you. You were there for Mary and Tim, and Emily, Troy, Ron, Herschel... Everything else just-"

"If I had just  _tried_ -"

"Stop it. Stop beating yourself up- that’s enough! You saved Jack Wright. You were right there alongside us the entire time. You did it too."

"Yeah. I did it. I brought him back and he doesn't know who I am. His sister, sure, but me- he was scared of me, Ben. I thought that I'd died inside a long time ago, but that-" Jack couldn't see past the tears in his eyes, and he couldn't tell if the room around him was shaking or if he was. There was the sound of a broken sob from the radio.

"I'm so sorry, Sammy."

"I-I need some air."

"Folks, we'll be right back." The line clicked over and music started playing.

 _ **"Aaaarchie's-**_ " Jack turned off the radio and set it back down. Maybe silence would be better.

He toyed with the ring hanging from his neck, as he'd taken to doing over the last week whenever his mind wandered back to the shadows and void.

Why couldn't he just remember?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y'all READY?!?
> 
> June 1st is almost upon us and I'm losing my mind!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> "Post my bail, Ben!"
> 
>  
> 
> Comments are my life, and while I make no promises about a follow-up, I do have ideas.


End file.
